Sunday, June 10, 2012

100 Days & I Done Did Learned a Few Things

Now that I have been here 100 days,  I am now seen as a bit of a veteran and sage to be looked up to and as a passer-on of information to new arrivals,  here are a few truisms I have discovered:

1.  If you break two plastic forks trying to eat the meatloaf at the Dining Facility (DFAC), do not try a third.  Just give up and go for the chicken nuggets.

2.  When the temperature gets over 105°,  the wind makes it worse not better.

Try this at home:  Take a blow dryer and turn the heat on high with the fan on low and hold it one inch from your nose for 10 minutes;  then try it with the heat on high and the fan on high for the same 10 minutes.  Which felt cooler?  

Warning:  Be prepared to explain the second degree burns on your nose to co-workers on Monday.

3.  The days do eventually all run together,  but some unique experiences will present themselves from time to time that help make things better.  Yes,  driving a tank is as much fun as it looks, but not enough that I would reenlist to do it for a living.

4.  Always check the expiration date, it will keep you from buying things that were put on the shelf during Gulf War I.
5.  If you never wash your coffee mug out, and the office runs out pouring plain hot water into the mug might extract enough coffee from the stains to help you get through a morning.  I saw this and was amazed and disgusted.
6.  If you order a hat via mail order that is not in the BX, everyone on base will ask you where you bought it.   I had the only one like it for almost 2 weeks.

7.  "That guy" is here too.  If you don't think so,  you are probably him.
8.  Things may seem dark some days,  but everything is survivable.  A positive attitude is necessary for survival.
Willie Tyler, Lester & Me
9.  Remember that act you saw on the Ed Sullivan show when you were a kid?  Yeah, that act - ever wonder what happened to it?  It's here doing a USO show.  Not every show is Lt Dan or Gabriel Iglesis, but they are all welcome.
10.  I heard someone did the calculations once,  and based on averages you will inhale a full pound of Kuwaiti sand during a normal tour here.  If you were to spread that out and consider it land it would be worth about 170 KD ($629).  Nobody brags about it because the Kuwaiti government might find a way to charge you for it and the US Government would find a way to tax it as income.
11.  If you get a package of cookies and you open them in the office, you will be expected to share.  Same holds true for bubble wrap -- so be prepared to share the popping.

12.  Chuck Norris is and always will be a hero here.                           

13.  If it is not a cat, it is probably a rat.  If the rat is that big,  you now know what happened to the missing cat.

14.  Amazon ROCKS!   They have great prices, deliver to APOs, and usually ship within hours of ordering.  I had something show up 2 days after I ordered it - scary fast.
15.  The guy at the bizarre who is trying to sell you the genuine statue taken from Saddam's Palace and offering to throw in a free Ronex watch,  is the same guy who sent you the email about the $1 million that you inherited from the Nigerian Prince.  BTW he will not take payment out of the $1 Million for anything at his stand,  I tried.

Finally,  everyone on base who has been here longer than a month can tell you how much longer they have on their current tour and will usually be within 2 days  -- As a matter of fact, it is now 264 days, thanks for asking.

After last week's missive on Camels,  I laughed out loud when I saw this, the CAMbulance:


1 comment:

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